Crazy Talk Or Truthful Communication? Don't Mask Your Emotions
Kevin apologized to Melissa soon after he missed an appointment. It was a small misunderstanding, so Melissa said she wasn't really upset, just frustrated and disappointed. But Kevin sensed there was much more to it. Melissa's smirk seemed forced and he felt there was far more she wanted to say, but Melissa insisted they be done with it and move on. Still, Kevin had an uneasy feeling inside the pit of his belly.
Emotional Incongruence
Emotional genuineness - acknowledging your true feelings - initiates enlightened conflict resolution. Yet this could be compromised by emotional incongruence: not accepting or attempting to cover your true feelings, either purposely or not.
A lot of people have learned to hide their feelings. They have learned to be guarded simply because dropping the mask and becoming emotionally honest can lead to feeling vulnerable. In the heat of the moment, it could be difficult to see how honesty and vulnerability might be excellent, how entirely disarming they may be and how crucial they are to creating trust and compassion.
Now, within the heat of the moment, hiding seems like a better idea. And to make it more complex, occasionally you know you're doing it, and often you don't. At times you lie about your feelings to have the upper hand.
It's virtually always a self-defeating move because it is so transparent. Individuals might not notice the deceit right away, but right after they've had a chance to reflect, the truth typically dawns. They might not confront you simply because it's not worth the effort, but they will feel wary and simply "go polite" and keep their distance.
At other times, you may be out of touch with your feelings and attempt to fool yourself into maintaining a certain self-image. Maybe you are attempting to keep up the appearance of being sweet or spiritual or in control. But just underneath the surface, the fear of looking bad, or being wrong or cast aside, dictates your defensiveness.
Others almost always experience your defensiveness as hostility, which escalates fights. You might feel you're communicating clearly, but you are sending mixed signals.
Mixed Messages
The words of a conversation are transmitted on an invisible carrier wave of emotion. Much more potent than the words alone, the sentiment is "louder." Consequently, one of the worst things you are able to do is lie about your feelings or attempt to hide them.
Just as it's simple to tell when a person is being emotionally incongruent, it could be equally difficult to know when you are doing it yourself. It may be extremely tough for men and women who hold a high value for peace or kindness to be truthful with themselves, or anybody else for that matter, concerning their darker emotions.
It can create a deep inner conflict to have "hateful" feelings when you see yourself as a "nice" person. If you have been a victim of emotional violence, it may be even more challenging.
Over time, men and women automatically suppress feelings they determine to be "bad." This leads to acute emotional incongruence. What may be so crazy making is you can't feel the feelings you're transmitting to others.
If you want to be emotionally congruent, you have to recognize the significance of learning to feel secure with all your emotions. Look to see the position fear or anger has played within your life. As soon as you narrow that down, you can be on the path to living a more congruent emotional love life. When doubtful moments arise, consult a professional by searching: guy get girl, guy gets girl, or guy gets girl review.
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